Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
