4 words: hood of his car
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
