i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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