you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
