remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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