so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
