well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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