I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The Olympian is in my bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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