Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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