Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
