I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
