This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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