where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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