The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
