I look better un-naked...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize