I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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