we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
