he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so let's talk penis.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
