You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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