True but thats because hes a fetus.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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