You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
