its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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