He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
