Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
