I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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