yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
