Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
