dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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