Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize