Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
