Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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