the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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