Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
