im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
