I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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