When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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