you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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