im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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