We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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