I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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