Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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