Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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