I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
