i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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