If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
