i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
