i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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