her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
