i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
