I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
