I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
