Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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