Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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