oh god the rape fog is back!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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