Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
