At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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