Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Randomize
