Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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