make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
