so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
