So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
