Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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