i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
