38 yer olds are good kisserssss
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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