Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
